Raising compassionate children

Children have an inborn capacity for compassion. They naturally identify with stuffed animals, other kids, pets, etc. The tricky part is to bring out and sustain their empathy right from childhood.

But with so much hatred and turmoil in the world today, parenting is a tough job today than it was earlier!

Why do children become violent?

Violence is an outburst of deep seated frustration and emotional neglect accumulated overtime because of hurtful behaviour and sometimes even due to exploitation of sexual nature.

A child spanked, insulted or abused in any ways either becomes reserved in nature or  develops anger within. Either which ways, the child is scarred for a lifetime and has difficulties in handling relationships while growing up.

How do we raise more 'gentle’ children?

Reject rudeness:

Babies and sometimes even toddlers like to spit into their parents faces. Do not laugh it off.

Gently but firmly, say "No, you may not spit!" In the same loving but no-nonsense manner, unlock his fist from your hair and hold his little leg for sometime when he kicks you or anyone else.

Dealing effectively:

Make unacceptable behavior, like hitting, always unacceptable—even if it's his birthday. If something is wrong, it has to be wrong all the time. If the be-nice rule is broken, stick with simple, concrete consequences such as a brief time-out or losing a special toy for a day, etc.

If your toddler has a ‘meltdown’ in the supermarket and you feel horribly embarrassed, remind yourself that the emotional health of your child is more important than any disapproving looks of others. It is important not to hit, shout, bargain, or punish the toddler, but ‘stay cool’, get done as soon as you can and speak about the wrong behaviour to your kid outside or at home.

Learn to compliment, thank and apologise yourself:

We all seek appreciation and compliments  and we feel ignored if we come across thankless individuals.

Basic manners can be taught at the young age to start with. Thank the grocer after paying him or the plumber after the repair. Remember the little one is watching you all the time!

Say "I'm sorry." If you've been short-tempered with your child, apologize to him. All parents make mistakes. It's how you address them later makes the difference. A child learns that everyone, even mom/dad, admit it when they are wrong.

Big ‘NO’ to name calling and trash talking:

Lay down simple, yet enforceable rules with regards to name calling and avoid using derogatory languages at home. More often than not, kids do learn foul languages at home than outside.

Your kid has to know, using 'fancy’ racial remarks, body shaming others, etc. does not make him 'cool’; but respecting people for what they are.

Encourage chores and rewards:

The saying must be, “we're all part of the family, so by helping the family we're helping ourselves."

Monetary rewards can be assigned and appreciation shown on completion of chores.

Monitor media and cherish relationships:

A big bane of technical advancement.. the media, can be quite detrimental and so are certain comics or books.

Set time for watching television and usage of mobile phones. Encourage conversation during a meal rather than showing a video on your mobile phone.

Visit grandparents regularly, narrate stories from mythologies and site examples of good behaviour of others to foster kindness.

What more can we do as parents?

Look into yourself:

Check your own feelings if you realise that you are being angry and violent in dealing with your kid.

Did you get hurt, insulted or tortured as a kid?(by parents, relatives, teachers, etc)

Can you talk about it to someone to resolve the angry feelings? ( Your spouse most probably is the right person here)

Is it worth fostering hatred in mind? Shouldn't you let go and forgive the ones who hurt you before it effects your loved ones?

Not everyone realises that he/she is losing temper over minor issues, so TALK and help your spouse if you feel he/she needs to change.

Final words...

Being 'gentle’ only means being compassionate; and not a doormat. Your child should know to report incidences of violence and bullying in school and deal with such unruly people the right way without resorting to violence.

After all, we are responsible for our own words and actions, and not that of others!