Spirited women in unconventional careers!

While we frequently hear of women who excel in academics, it's not uncommon that they even foray into sports like shooting, cricket, rugby, etc. which were once predominantly considered a 'male’ sport.

These days, women have even taken up professions like bartending, stand-up comedian, locomotive engine driving, etc..

No longer the teaching, banking and medical professions are the only fields considered ‘decent’ or ‘safe’ for a women.

What really drives a woman into choosing a profession which is considered 'unconventional’?

1. Economic conditions:

More often than not, ladies from poorer economic background are forced to take up professions like being a bus/auto rickshaw driver, security guards or even dhakis these days(female drummers playing in pujas in West Bengal).

The pressures of running a family is shared equally by the lady of the house too.

2. Lack of jobs available:

What if a lady wants to be a cook but there's no opportunity to get employed or enough funds to start her own venture? Lack of so called 'conventional’ jobs also leads women to take up professions predominantly ruled by men.

3. Food for the soul:

Some are simply not built for the 9-5 jobs! It's the urge to start something new or be 'your own boss’ leads them to start their own venture. It could even be lack of job satisfaction or lack of challenges in the job/sport, which leads to the same.

There are ladies foraying into their own organic farming venture after doing an MBA or taking up a risky sport like mountaineering just for soul satisfaction.

The challenges ahead….

The path of the so called 'unconventional’ career is never easy. Whether it's stand-up comedy or taking up a sport like boxing; women breaking the shackles of tradition are always questioned, ridiculed, discouraged and at times even sexually harassed. At every stage she is expected to prove herself. She is not only up against the society but mostly also against her own family.

What can we do?

Being supportive is what parents, spouse and a family can do. There are movies these days, encouraging women to take up unconventional careers, especially sports.

As a society, we need to support and emboldened our women to be financially independent, no matter which profession she chooses for herself.

So don't be surprised if your daughter aspires to be in an unusual profession like, a tour guide or a  professional surfer...just make sure you raise her with enough integrity, character and values to live and persue her dreams!

Dear Ma...

Dear Ma,

I have to pen down my thoughts in this letter now, as I feel I have wronged you in many ways, many times…

You quit the job you loved and gave up on your dreams for being with me...I was your new dream!

What a fussy eater I was as a child;

Thank you for being persistent and not giving up on my health.

I am both thankful and sorry for the sleepless nights you had to spent for me..

While I was a baby, when I was a student writing my exams. Yes, my exams..and you would be sleepless!

Even now...I long for your warm embrace and those lovely soups when I am unwell.

It was always your family first…

Unending shopping during festivities, making every birthdays and vacations special, loving your home...just about everything…!

How did you manage Ma?

I was always a priority for you, even when I was busy settling with my life...

You continued to reach me...while I was too busy to reply to your messages on voicemail…

I am truly ashamed. Can you forgive me Ma?

I cannot turn the clock back and undo my mistakes, but I can promise that your son has changed now, Ma.

I can promise that besides being a good father, I will treat my wife well too,take care of her and appreciate her efforts and support her dreams to the best I can.

I wish you had been more careful about your health..

Cancer, and all the struggles with the treatment...you got frail day after day….

No one realised, that you were depressed;.you disguised your smile so well.

The disease has taken you to a point of no return... far far away from me…

I am sure you are one of kindest souls wherever you are now Ma, and watching over me too for sure...

Thank you for being there Ma. Thank you for making me what I am today.

Your Loving Son,

No expectations..key to happiness!

“Karm kiyeja, bina fal ki apeskha kiye.”..

The most revered line from the holy Bhagwat Gita- meaning, keep doing your duties/deeds, without expecting anything in return or any sort of rewards. Nice to read and preach; but extremely difficult to put into practice, isn't it?

We are humans with emotions and we have desires and expectations. A child expects to be loved and to be protected, just as we expect our family and friends to stand by us when we need them. We feel cheated when we come across thankless individuals.

The worse is any sort of expectations we attach to our children. While its not wrong to expect your child to eat well, study to get good grades and grow up to be a decent person, but how is it fair to assume that your child is your asset or “Budhape ki Lathi"( a support system while you are aged)?

What if your child drops out of college someday to work on his ambitions? Are you sure your child will take care of you when you are aged? You may be supportive of your child’s decisions, but initially it would be worriesome and painful to even imagine that your child is not living upto your expectations.... All because of 'expectations’.

So why have expectations at the first place?

We, as parents need to work on building our future from the age of 35-40 years itself, orelse we wouldn't realise, when the time has lapsed while we were busy taking care of everyone's needs.

1. Professional independence:

While you may be working full time now, start thinking if you will have the time or the inclinations to continue after a certain age.Are your working full time for contributing to the family income currently or because you love your job? Will you be better off at something else? More often than not, we continue working all our lives to pay for loans and bills!

Also, you cannot expect your parents or nanny to be around your child the whole life;  while you continue working. (Applicable to both parents).

2. Hone your skills:

Do you know your true calling? Realise your true potentials. Look into yourself and understand what you are good at and brace yourself to be the best at it. You could even join a course to enhance your skills, while you have the time now.

3. Build you network:

Connect with the right people in the circle doing well already and know more about what you need to do to be a success. Do your skillset have the potential to make you happy and successful while at home? You will know how to use your skills to built a successful business, (if you wish) which you can run from home when you are aged.

We all at some point in life, would want to work for ourselves, don't we?

4. Take care of your finances:

Do you really need to pickup clothes or furnitures from a mall while the same are available online at a much lesser price? Not advocating online deals, but we certainly need to stop impulse purchases and unplanned expenses. Spend wisely and start investing smartly.

Future is something we don't predict, so why shouldn't  mothers have seperate savings and investments which they can fall back on at the time it's needed?

If you are financially secure, you will expect less from your child in future too.

5. Learn handy jobs:

Our parents needed to learn technology to stay connected, may be we would need to learn something else, while old.

Very often, we find ourselves handicapped without knowing how to drive, stitch or even cooking for that matter(yes dear husbands; culinary skills can be extended beyond chai and Maggi noodles if you really want to learn!).

The more skilled you are at such tasks(which we mostly ignore now), only makes you more secure and less dependent later.

6. Helps avoiding gender discrimination:

While I fulfill most of the duties (that our society expects from a son) towards my parents, like many of you dear lady readers; having expectations from a child is also a reason behind gender based discriminations.

A son is supposedly an asset; someone who will stay with his parents and a daughter, the 'paraya dhan'; has to bought up well to be married off someday. So we deny what is due to daughters by having zero expectations from her and create more pressure on our sons to do well in life. There are households till date; who consider even educating their daughter as a privilege granted to her!

So to conclude, while we are here to love, protect and provide for our kids, it's always better to keep zero expectations as parents. Be Independent, be Happy!

I am changing!!

*YES, I AM CHANGING!*

Days slip into weeks, weeks turn into months and months transform into years. *Calendars are changing and so am I*.

*Yes, I  am changing*. In certain things age has mellowed me down, in others I have become more aggressive . Sometimes I find myself acting very wisely and sometimes I just go crazy. Certain issues will have me speaking vociferously whereas at other issues I just shrug and remain silent.

*Yes, I  am changing!* After loving my parents, my siblings, my spouse, my children, my friends, now I have started loving myself.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I just realised that I am not “ Atlas ” and the world does not rest on my shoulders.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I have now stopped bargaining with the poor vegetable and fruit vendors. After all, a few rupees more is not going to burn a hole in my pocket but it might help the poor fellow save for his daughter’s school fees.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I pay the auto wallah / cab wallah and walk away without waiting for the change.The extra money might bring a smile on his face.After all he is toiling much harder for a living than me.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I have stopped telling the elderly that they have already narrated that story many a times.After  all, the story makes them walk down the memory lane and relive the past.

*Yes, I am changing*. I have learnt not to correct  people even when I know they are wrong. After all ,the onus of making everyone perfect is not on me.Peace is more precious than perfection.

*Yes, I  am changing*.  I give compliments freely and generously now . After all its  a mood enhancer not only for the recipient but also for me.

*Yes, I  am changing*.I have learnt not to bother about my creased shirt. After all, personality speaks louder than appearances.

*Yes, I  am changing.* Nowadays I don't bother  if  fine lines are showing on my forehead. After all beauty of my soul outshines the beauty of my face.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I am learning not to let others make me feel incompetent.After all I am not only what they see in me. I might not be good at certain things but I am excellent at others.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I walk  away from people who don't value me.After all, they might not know my worth, but I do.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I remain cool when someone plays dirty politics to outrun me in the rat race.After all I am not a rat and neither am I in any race.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I am learning not to be embarrassed by my emotions. After all it's my emotions that make me human.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I now tell  people if I like them.After all ,there is nothing wrong in liking someone.

*Yes, I  am changing*. I demand  for whatever  is due to me.After all, accepting injustice is almost as bad as doing injustice.

*Yes, I am changing*. I have learnt to live each day as it were the last.After all, it might be the last .

*Yes, I  am changing*. I am doing what makes me happy.After all, I am responsible for my happiness, and I owe it to me.

*And I am loving the new me!*

A 'live-in' relationship..why not?

Our previous generation, will find a lot of differences in the way our Indian society has shaped up and a ‘live-in’ kind of living arrangement between two people, would be a cultural shock. Seriously, they do not need to understand and approve of everything that has changed overtime!

But we, the younger generation too, more often than not, end up forming opinions about people, we believe are 'different’.

These days, when divorce lawyers are minting money and no one can truly claim to be “pure & pious” before entering into a legal relationship, let's consider the benefits that a live-in relationship has to offer:

1.Lesser responsibilities

Married couples share responsibilities of their families, finances, and societal duties. They are always striving to maintain a satisfactory balance in the society. In a live-in relationship, you can share and divide your expenses. There lies no pressure of pleasing relatives and parents, and one can enjoy their personal space.

In a typical Indian patriarchal society, it's the wife who majorly bears the burden of pleasing everyone (more often than not)



2. Low legal hassles

Divorce is an ugly possibility of marital ending, which can be a bitter and traumatic experience. Live-in relationship gives you an emotional advantage. Handling a breakup is definitely easier than going through the trauma of a messy divorce.

3. Financial freedom

Marriage brings in the added responsibility of maintaining joint financial ventures and dual banking operations for ease of spending.

Or the case could be exactly reverse too. An earning spouse may choose to keep the  non earning(the homemaker) one; financially crippled, by controling his/her expenses through contestant supervision, interogations, etc.

One of the biggest advantages of live-in relationship is the division of expenses; where each individual is responsible for his /her own self.You enjoy our respective financial freedom besides ofcourse sharing the rent and utility bills commonly used.

Easier rental accommodation:

These days, most of the residential buildings have the rules of allowing only couples as tenants. A live-in relationship atleast spares you of this and many other hassles which singles face on a daily basis.

Test for marriage

A person can pretend to be someone that they are not when they meet you occasionally (during your courtship period), but no one can pretend or hide their true personality 24x7.  

Does he/she stand up for you when needed?

What about the important qualities needed to be a good parent?

You can discuss your future plans before taking the big leap.

Mutual respect

In a live-in relationship both partners are truly equal, whether it is in their freedom or in their insecurities. Both of them know that the door is always open; so they will always make extra efforts to make their partner feel secure in the relationship. This would also tell you how loyal, compatible and trustworthy your partner is.

Ours is a generation of failed marriages; and most of us are not in the 'perfect relationship’ ourselves, so who are we to judge/criticise someone as outcast?

Afterall, everyone gets one shot at what we call “life”, and what's wrong in getting into a relationship with someone, already known to you!

[PS: This writeup is strictly based my personal opinion. I find people being unnecessary judgemental and sometimes; even take pride in gossiping and looking down upon people, not adhering to societal norms. Your views on the topic may differ from mine for reasons that you may believe in. Thanks for reading though!].

Raising compassionate children

Children have an inborn capacity for compassion. They naturally identify with stuffed animals, other kids, pets, etc. The tricky part is to bring out and sustain their empathy right from childhood.

But with so much hatred and turmoil in the world today, parenting is a tough job today than it was earlier!

Why do children become violent?

Violence is an outburst of deep seated frustration and emotional neglect accumulated overtime because of hurtful behaviour and sometimes even due to exploitation of sexual nature.

A child spanked, insulted or abused in any ways either becomes reserved in nature or  develops anger within. Either which ways, the child is scarred for a lifetime and has difficulties in handling relationships while growing up.

How do we raise more 'gentle’ children?

Reject rudeness:

Babies and sometimes even toddlers like to spit into their parents faces. Do not laugh it off.

Gently but firmly, say "No, you may not spit!" In the same loving but no-nonsense manner, unlock his fist from your hair and hold his little leg for sometime when he kicks you or anyone else.

Dealing effectively:

Make unacceptable behavior, like hitting, always unacceptable—even if it's his birthday. If something is wrong, it has to be wrong all the time. If the be-nice rule is broken, stick with simple, concrete consequences such as a brief time-out or losing a special toy for a day, etc.

If your toddler has a ‘meltdown’ in the supermarket and you feel horribly embarrassed, remind yourself that the emotional health of your child is more important than any disapproving looks of others. It is important not to hit, shout, bargain, or punish the toddler, but ‘stay cool’, get done as soon as you can and speak about the wrong behaviour to your kid outside or at home.

Learn to compliment, thank and apologise yourself:

We all seek appreciation and compliments  and we feel ignored if we come across thankless individuals.

Basic manners can be taught at the young age to start with. Thank the grocer after paying him or the plumber after the repair. Remember the little one is watching you all the time!

Say "I'm sorry." If you've been short-tempered with your child, apologize to him. All parents make mistakes. It's how you address them later makes the difference. A child learns that everyone, even mom/dad, admit it when they are wrong.

Big ‘NO’ to name calling and trash talking:

Lay down simple, yet enforceable rules with regards to name calling and avoid using derogatory languages at home. More often than not, kids do learn foul languages at home than outside.

Your kid has to know, using 'fancy’ racial remarks, body shaming others, etc. does not make him 'cool’; but respecting people for what they are.

Encourage chores and rewards:

The saying must be, “we're all part of the family, so by helping the family we're helping ourselves."

Monetary rewards can be assigned and appreciation shown on completion of chores.

Monitor media and cherish relationships:

A big bane of technical advancement.. the media, can be quite detrimental and so are certain comics or books.

Set time for watching television and usage of mobile phones. Encourage conversation during a meal rather than showing a video on your mobile phone.

Visit grandparents regularly, narrate stories from mythologies and site examples of good behaviour of others to foster kindness.

What more can we do as parents?

Look into yourself:

Check your own feelings if you realise that you are being angry and violent in dealing with your kid.

Did you get hurt, insulted or tortured as a kid?(by parents, relatives, teachers, etc)

Can you talk about it to someone to resolve the angry feelings? ( Your spouse most probably is the right person here)

Is it worth fostering hatred in mind? Shouldn't you let go and forgive the ones who hurt you before it effects your loved ones?

Not everyone realises that he/she is losing temper over minor issues, so TALK and help your spouse if you feel he/she needs to change.

Final words...

Being 'gentle’ only means being compassionate; and not a doormat. Your child should know to report incidences of violence and bullying in school and deal with such unruly people the right way without resorting to violence.

After all, we are responsible for our own words and actions, and not that of others!

Household Chores As Kids=>Successful Adults

I remember my mother, a homemaker, working tirelessly to finish all household tasks single handedly. She would never let me do any chores, which even included my own work like packing my school bag till I was 10 or packing my lunchbox, etc. You too, probably; should be having similar memories of your childhood.


No wonder we and our significant better halves too, find household chores to be boring and painstaking. We find excuses to avoid them or blame each other for not being of help at home.


Perhaps, the way we were all raised is to be examined. A significant finding in Harvard Study lately, showed a connection between household chores and success. The findings indicated that children need to be engaged in household chores early on in their lives, for making them independent and successful in lives.


Success, is always a relative term. Here it indicates both, personal and professional success.. basically happy adults!

It's too late to turn the clock and do something about our childhood now, but we surely can avoid repeating the same mistakes our parents did. Here's how chores can add value to your child:


It gives your child an edge to excel at work in future:


If you allot 3-4 tasks to your kid each day, he needs to decide as to which one is more urgent, which needs for him to step out, may be to shop, time needed for each tasks,etc. In other words, he learns to take decisions based on priority. He learns to divide his time, so as to complete each task on time. We all know, he would need these qualities both at work and at home in future.


It allows them to be independent and learn to handle responsibilities:


As already mentioned, decision making is one of the skills your child learns by doing chores.  Incase of any family crisis, where you are alone or say, you not keeping well for a few days, wouldn't it be better that you kid is atleast able to make his own breakfast? After all, not all of us are lucky to have the support of our parents or maids.

Chores, thus help your kid to be more independent and ready for any situation.


Better equipped to do unpleasant tasks:


A simple chore like changing the garbage bags or putting out the dustbin daily, allows your kid to learn that it's ok to do tasks, seemingly dirty. A mother isnt the only designated person who is supposed to deal with every chore, even the dirty ones. 

There would be a lot of dirty roads your child may have to travel alone and difficult people to deal with in his life. So why not start young?  


They have a better understanding of sharing and collaboration:


Collaboration is an art, whether at home or work and not all of us find it easy. If you have more than one child, a proper distribution of chores amongst them, where they need to mutually decide and complete a task, increases sharing and teaches them the art of collaboration at a young age.


It takes some load off your shoulders too:


By allocating certain easy chores for your child to handle, you can get some time for yourself. You may choose to use this time constructively to do the things you always wanted to but cudnt find time to do them. 


So what are you thinking?


Depending on their age, you can decide the chores your kids can successfully complete. You need to train them to do the chores you want to at the beginning. You can choose to reward them by allocating financial targets with the completion of each chore.(many may beg to differ on the merit of this point). 

I believe, rewarding on completion of a chore is a form of appreciation and better than promising your kid a toy/a movie if he performs well in his exams. Try a different approach!


Self learning is the best form of learning and household chores makes your child learn more on his own. So, the sooner they start, the better. Help your kids learn and grow!